A Thin Line
by mistyfur
Summary: Buffy thinks about her realationship with Angel after he loses his soul. Part 1 of Lines Series.


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Disclaimers: Angel and Buffy belong to Joss Whedon, I just decided let them out to play for a little bit. 

AN: This is my first B/A story, so I'm still trying to find the character's voice. This is a strictly POV story that will later be made into a little series.

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**Buffy's POV**

Alone in my room, curled tightly under the warmth of my covers, I sat watching the rising sun. The colors blending together in a complex palette, from the dark blues of the night before, to the blood red streaks that slashed across the horizon, before softening into vivid orange only fade into a brilliant yellow as the sun glowed brightly in the blue shy.

My mind in a whirl of confusion that refused to allow me to rest through the night.

I know that love would never be easy, especially if you were the Slayer and if the man that you had the misfortune to fall in love with was a vampire. It was a love that could never be and one that could only end badly for all involved.

I had hoped that our relationship had been unique and special enough, that it would be able to break through the curse that binds all of histories forbidden lovers. That we wouldn't be trapped in the life and death cycle that was so often written about in Shakespeare's tales. But fate has always made a mockery of dreams and hopes, delighting in tearing them down and then standing to the side to watch the hopeful dreamers come to the realization that they've lost everything.

I was foolish to believe that I could find a small measure of peace and contentment in my violent existence that was filled with so much darkness and death that it had begun to claim pieces of my soul. But I was not meant to find happiness with anyone, I was born to be merely a tool to save the world from destruction and evil. A solitary warrior for Good.

Night after night, I fought and killed all manner of the demons that were spewed from the deepest pits of the Hellmouth. The time passing so slowly that I felt as if an eternity had elapsed since I began my duties,. There was no reprieve from the battles and I found myself becoming weary. There was no one around me that could understand the turbulent emotions that I felt about the role that I had been forced to assume.

I was alone in my duties until the night when I met him.

Angel.

He appeared out of the shadows to save me and I felt a connection so intense that I found it difficult to breath. My heart beat frantically and for one second, I was speechless in the face of his presence. His beauty captivated me.

As each day that passed after our first meeting, I would wish that I would run him again. At night, my dreams gave birth to my yearnings. Creating passionate scenes where we would encounter one and another and fall into each other's arms. Fantasies that grew steamier with each nightly dream, until I was engulfed in the eroticism of my desires for him. They were fantasies that I hoped someday to fulfill but knew that they never would come true. I could never be honest with him and it would only be a matter of time before he was injured while helping me. He was a mere mortal, without any powers to protect him for the dangers that were a constant in my life.

Or so I thought.

Nothing had prepared me for what he truly was. I had imagined him to be a man but on the night when we kissed, I saw the demon behind the angelic mask and I was frightened by what I had allowed to enter into my life and home.

But later that same day, he proved to all that he wasn't an evil demon as he slayed his sire in order to save me from death at her hands.

I watched silently at the anguish that filtered across his face, as she disappeared in a cloud of dust and he backed away into the shadows. He had committed the worst crime that a vampire could due by killing the one that granted him immortality.

It was at that moment that I began to fall in love with him.

For the first time since I was called forth to fulfill me destiny, I had someone that I could confide in, someone to helped me battle the evils of the world and someone that could love me knowing who I was, not the imagine that I portrayed to the outside world.

However, that all changed a few weeks ago on the night of my seventeenth birthday and with the loss of my virginity, a cold stranger replaced him. My world shattered at his words and I lost him.

Each night since then, he taunts me. Playing with my mind and hurting those that I love, in a sick, twisted game, needing to punish me for making the demon feel an emotion other than hate.

I've grown colder with each meeting. My heart struggles to deny what my mind is screaming. Angel is gone and I can't free him. No matter what I try, I don't know how to save him.

I can only replay each moment over and over in my mind, searching for clues as to what I did wrong to bring about the soulless stranger that lives in Angel's body now. Tears flow down my face, wetting my grey tank top and the bedding, as I picture him in my mind, the gentle lover that he once was and the demon that was now superimposed over him.

His rich, brown eyes that were once filled with love and joy as they looked down into mine, now gazed upon me with disgust and malice. As if, I was nothing more to him than a whore that he had bought for a night.

His hands that had once caressed my body and brought me incredible pleasure mere weeks ago, have become weapons that beat at my tender flesh, bruising it with every blow that he delivers.

His soft lips that once kissed me with passion and hunger, are constantly in a cruel smile, mocking me for my stupidity in falling for him.

But, it's his words that have the most power over me. Their sting more lethal than the deepest cut of a knife and able to inflict more pain than the harshest of blows, the most dismissive of glances or proudest of malicious smiles. His husky voice that once had spoken of his love for me, now jeered in a slow, seductive drawl of his desire to torture and kill me.

Everything that I once loved about him, I'm slowly coming to despise.

Love and hate is a fine line, I've always been told but it wasn't until I meet Angelus that I came to see how thin that line was.

And how close I am to crossing it.

**The End**

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Feedback is always appericated :) 


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